Dear Hairy boars

Dear darling boars, why are you so hairy? So impatient? I hope no one stole your lovely red ball when you were a baby. Listen to this, Tightwitch is speaking: "No fear. No envy. No Meanness. Just intense silver punishments and pushing deeper inside." Witch has been flying and thinking tonight. Seems I've turned so many daft rude men into hairy little wild pigs there are too many running in the lovely pen I made for them to live in, they run around so much and wear out the ground making silly trenches. Little hairy crackpots all running about, squeaking and squealing and nagging the shadow of their miserable wives (but actually it is the shadow of a coconut, pah!). So guess what? I'm going to train you to be pickpockets, like Fagin in Oliver twist, and send you up the city centre to pick the pockets of other daft rude men! You will earn me so much loot, and i will become a very influential witch. Ha! As if i'd really give you a job to do! Oh witch! why tease the little pigs? Because I wish to kick them up the ass so hard, so that when I open their piggy pen it ensures they run wee wee wee all the way home! They are so grumpy and greedy with clocks and tape measures and gloats (not goats, I've got nothing against goats), gloaters and making moats for their dreadful castles when in reality their castle is so so daft no one wishes to conquer it, or visit its ruins and buy an apron or badge from the crappy Visitors centre. Also the noise of so many hairy boars is like one big moody aeroplane taking off, and aeroplanes are just ludicrous to a witch! There is no such thing as a First Class flight, unless you are a witch! I will sharpen my axe tonight, because tomorrow I will not open the gate to the pen, I will chop it clean in half! Dear hairy boars, I advise you grease your little trotters because the last pig in the pen will be promptly kicked to the moon. Now I fly. Off to Russia to visit the Silver Birches because they are so fucking sexy! They purr like cats when I lick them because they know I am Tightwitch.