Cousin Sex. Steven and I

All through out my life I have always been close to my cousins. But the one that I used to hang out with the most, was my cousin Steven. He is a year younger then me, but used to do everything together. My f****y was the f****y with the money and Steven lived with my grandmother. So he used to always stay the night and always be at our house. I dont know what it is, but i always had a short of crush on Steven. We were both about 15 yrs almost 16. When we found a pile of my step-dad's playboy magazines. We used to jack off together. I had a okay/average body, but a nice face. BUT Steven, he was only 15 and he was 6ft tall and had one of those nauturally toned/fit bodies. Like with the six pack and the pecs and nice shoulders and arms. So we used to jack off together. My cock was about 6 or 6 1/2 uncut but kinda more slim. But Stevens cock was about 5 inches maybe 5 1/2 but it was thick and very wide and cut. One day while jacking off, Steven has me if i would suck his cock --like the girls in the magazines-- and i was nervous at first. But after about 30mins of Steven talking me into it. I finally did it. I grabbed his wide/thick cock and but it my mouth. OOHH it was so wide i could hardly get my mouth around it. Then he pushed my face down so hard. That i my nose was pushed up against his pubes. Then after about 10mins Steven cummed on my mouth and face. He's cum wasnt the thick kinda of cum, it was the (ha) watery kinda. Anyway every weekend after that, Steven would make me suck his cock any chance he got. Once i even did it three times in one day. I must have sucked his cock atleast 75times. Even in school, he would tell me to meet him in the school restroom at a certain time. and I would suck his cock in one of the school restroom stalls. So one time i asked him if he could suck my cock... and he said no! He said for me to pretend as if he was the boyfriend and I was the girlfriend. Steven was younger then me but yet so manly and a guys, guy. He never jacked me off. We only kissed like 4 times. And he didnt like for me that much, to kiss his chest or stomach. But i tried every chance i got. I loved his pecs.. So one night while he was sl**py over my house. He wanted me to suck his cock again. While everyone was asl**p. And i said No! I just shut off the light and turned on my side, my back facing him and just layed down to go to bed. Then 5mins later, I could feel him moving closer and closer. I only slept in a t-shirt and boxers. and Then i felt his thick/wide cock pressed up against my ass through my boxers. It felt like a fist! Then he started to pull down my boxers little by little. I didnt want him too.. Cause I was so scared. I only gave him blow jobs, we never have had sex before. So i didnt want to..and Steven even though he was younger then me, he was much stronger.. 10x more stronger. He yanked my boxers down so hard that they even ripped. And he licked his hand and rubbed it on the head of his huge cock. And he tried to stick it in me. But like i said, we had never had suck before.. So it was like trying to stick a cucumber into a whole the size of a dime. He tried and tried, but the head of his cock, wouldnt even go a little bit in.. the tip didnt even go in.. So then he pinned me down on my stomach and then pulled my boxers completely off. And then spit on my asshole and then spit on his cock. and while he had my hands and my body pinned down. He lined up his cock with my asshole. And i felt him use all his muscular f***e and shoved his thick cock into my ass. I felt his balls touch my ass, thats how far he was in. It was the most painful pain I have ever felt in my life. It was the worst pain. I the only lube we used was his spit. He didnt even have a condom on. I begged him to stop, cause it hurt so bad. I even reached around and put my hand by my ass, to try to push away his cock. But he just pinned my hands up together and held them both in his hands.. Then i noticed there was a little bit of bl**d on my hands, from when i touch my ass, tryin push him away.. Steven was not going slow at all... He was going so fast and pounding so fast. It made the pain even worse. I tried to get up, but he just pinned me down again. Then he would take out his cock completly. Then shoved it all back in. I told him to stop! And he said okay. He said he would stop as soon as he cums inside my ass, without having to pull out and jack off. He was pounding me so hard and for a long time. That i can feel his sweat dripping all over my ass and back and the back of my neck. Finally I felt his body tense up, and he did i finally hard thrust. The hardest thrust ever and cum inside me. I could feel his warm cum inside my ass. Steven was one of those guys, were after he cummed he would be like "Ohh dont touch me" "Get the fuck away from " That was the one and only time Steven and I had sex. A few weeks later he moved away to live with his b*****r in a city 200miles away. And then soon after that. Got into some trouble for breakin into a house and stealing a car. So hes been in jail for the past 4yrs. I have had a chance to have sex again with another person i meet at a party. But i dont want to. In a strange sick way. I love Steven. He was my first kiss, my first blow job and my first sex, my first everything. And if i can't have him or cant have sex with him. Then I don't want to do it with anyone else. (True Story)